Monday, October 1, 2012

31 Days

"They triumphed over him
                                                        by the blood of the Lamb    
                               and by the word of their testimony..."
                                          Revelations 12:11

Long time... No write. :) Its been a while since I have taken the time and energy to put my thoughts onto "paper"... publicly atleast. I have been journaling alot. But the things that have poured out from my heart onto paper have not been things that are for the public eye- but for Christ. 

Its been a very rough couple of months for myself and my family. Financially, we had about a month and a half that was very slow in business. We have gone through a very trying time with Izaiah. A very stretching time in our marriage. And its just been straight up tough. In that time, I put back on about 25 pounds. (Here comes the honesty and transparency.) 

I have this issue you see. Called emotional eating. And through all of those trials, my emotions have been WACK. So I have eaten. When my life is spiraling out of control, I usually cope by eating. And thats what has lead me to this post. 

I am at a place where nothing really fits. And that puts me in a funk first thing in the morning. Lovely way to start the day off. Fighting that reminder of failure that i have to wear around all day. So. I have come to a place where I have just had enough. God has been nudging at me and Ive been reluctant and using every excuse I can find. Until today. I got on a site just browsing around today, a secret group of painting friends, and I saw that one of my gals posted about The Nester (whom I want to be like when I grow up. ;)) hosting a 31 day challenge for bloggers to get creative juices flowing. Blog about a broad topic for 31 days. Challenge yourself to write. Most chose to write about decorating their home, prayer, being a good mom... And all kinds of crafty spiritual things. I thought about it all morning.. and decided to accept the challenge. If not even 1 person reads anything I write- I still need to write. Its therapy for me. I need some therapy, and talking therapy lying on a couch aint free or cheap! But I can write. And thats what Im going to do.

Leading up to this morning, God had been pulling at my heart about my birthday. (Today is my 28th birthday.) Today is MY New Years. Today marks a new year for me. I realized, I have had 8 years of carrying this literal weight around. And I'm ready to get it off of me. Off of my body, off of my heart, off of my MIND. Ready. Im done carrying it. In every way. Unless you have been majorly over weight (to the point that it inhibits your daily activities) you cant understand the mental anguish one lives with. The restraints of things you cant do, the obsession over should I eat that should I not eat that, the guilt of eating that, the hope for a new day only to be dashed by "not enough willpower" by 10 am. Its a constant, minute by minute weight. And I want to be free. So thats why Im sharing. They triumphed over the BOLD word of their testimony. This is my testimony. I was never a girl strung out on drugs, caught up in the party world. Im just a girl who allowed herself to be overcome as an adult. A girl that virtually closed her eyes and slept for 8 years of her life. And is ready to live and enjoy her life to the fullest. 

So here's to my 31 days. "31 Days of Gaining Whats Lost, And Losing Whats Gained". If you think about me and my journey on these next 31 days, will you say a prayer? Send a note? A text? I would greatly appreciate it. Im changing my life, and I need all the help I can get! Follow along and share my posts if you feel like someone could benefit. <3

1 comment:

  1. great post. I am so glad you are doing this too. I pray God does amazing things for, in and with you! You're amazing!! Seriously :)