I have felt butterflies and queasiness all day when I have thought about writing this post. I guess its because its my most personal struggle that I have shared a little bit of with people. But I am ready to share the depths of it. I want accountability and I want my story, the scars and open wounds that are in the process of healing to be an encouragement and a "me too" moment for someone that may end up reading this.
It's so easy to tell half truths. To paint a great picture of yourself with only half of what you really look like. I have been pretty public with my struggle with weight loss. But I have never been gut honest. Not the kind of honest that will bring true freedom. The kind of freedom I found when I was gut honest about depression. That was amazing freedom.
But this issue, my real weight issues, are still haunting me. So here it is. Here is the ugly honesty and the promise of beauty I'm holding fast to about me and my journey of weight loss.
I was chosen a few months back to be mentored by, in my opinion, the best furniture repurposer in the business. She had posted about wanting to mentor some ladies who were looking to grow their furniture business. The second I read that, I opened my email up and started sharing with her who I was and bits of my story. She selected me, along with several other women and I have found real acceptance and friendship within this online group. Not only that, I have made a true soul-tie friend with Mandie Morris. I am so thankful for her kindness and friendship that has been extended to me when I have needed it most. With all of that said, there is a conference coming up the end of June that that group of ladies are all going to. Its a DYI conference for women like myself who make a living or just really enjoy DYI projects and its a seminar for learning how to blog. I WANTED TO GO SO BADLY! Two things were standing in my way- and only one I have made public. The first being the obvious of finances. Things have been very hard on our family with the year of unemployment and Brocs job here in the city not being what it was promised to be. God has been so faithful providing for us, but was I stretching that provision by wanting to go on a trip to Georgia with a bunch of girls? I just accepted that I probably wouldn't be able to go and that it would have to be ok. I signed up for some ticket giveaways and crossed my fingers. Today I was told that the ticket has been purchased for me and that I GET TO GO TO GEORGIA THE END OF JUNE! But I still had the other reason I knew I shouldn't be able to go nagging at me in the back of my mind.
My weight. Here is the truth. The painful, tear filled truth. I wouldn't be able to fit in a single passenger seat on a plane. There it is. Gut honest, embarrassing truth. I have let my weight get to a point that it has handicapped the things in my life that I want to do. BEING OVERWEIGHT IS DEBILITATING AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
With all of that said, I constantly have people asking me what Im doing to lose weight. I had lost 20 pounds on Weight Watchers and then Izaiah was diagnosed with Aspergers. :) And I ate. I ate to bring some momentary comfort. To ease my heart of the pain I was facing. This is the main reason I am typing this all out to share with the world today. My issue, your issue is not just the issue, its a craving for comfort and peace. And I have GOT to learn to find my peace and comfort in the One who created me to crave. I have found myself the last 2 days turning to food yet again with the stress of having to find another rent house and Izaiahs recent phase of ginormous melt downs. It has to stop. So, I am writing this to be gut honest and so that I can begin blogging about the real struggle. The one thats deep inside. Not just surface of wanting to lose weight. So I welcome you to follow my progress! And welcome you to cheer me on and be excited for me when I step on that plane the end of June and sit in that one passenger seat with some smokin new clothes to go meet my friends for the first time and have a BLAST at a girls getaway!
For those of you wondering, here is my weight loss plan. I have cancelled my weight watchers. Mostly because I have a gym membership now I cant afford to do both. So I am getting up early and going to the gym and having quiet time. For my quiet time I have decided to read the book "Made to Crave." If you struggle with weight, I strongly encourage you to get this book and read it. Its a life changer. It deals with the issue of the heart and not just surface.
I love you all and am so thankful for a safe place to share my heart! God Bless!