Saturday, April 7, 2012

Half Truths

I have felt butterflies and queasiness all day when I have thought about writing this post. I guess its because its my most personal struggle that I have shared a little bit of with people. But I am ready to share the depths of it. I want accountability and I want my story, the scars and open wounds that are in the process of healing to be an encouragement and a "me too" moment for someone that may end up reading this.

It's so easy to tell half truths. To paint a great picture of yourself with only half of what you really look like. I have been pretty public with my struggle with weight loss. But I have never been gut honest.  Not the kind of honest that will bring true freedom. The kind of freedom I found when I was gut honest about depression. That was amazing freedom.

But this issue, my real weight issues, are still haunting me. So here it is. Here is the ugly honesty and the promise of beauty I'm holding fast to about me and my journey of weight loss.

I was chosen a few months back to be mentored by, in my opinion, the best furniture repurposer in the business. She had posted about wanting to mentor some ladies who were looking to grow their furniture business. The second I read that, I opened my email up and started sharing with her who I was and bits of my story. She selected me, along with several other women and I have found real acceptance and friendship within this online group. Not only that, I have made a true soul-tie friend with Mandie Morris. I am so thankful for her kindness and friendship that has been extended to me when I have needed it most. With all of that said, there is a conference coming up the end of June that that group of ladies are all going to. Its a DYI conference for women like myself who make a living or just really enjoy DYI projects and its a seminar for learning how to blog. I WANTED TO GO SO BADLY! Two things were standing in my way- and only one I have made public. The first being the obvious of finances. Things have been very hard on our family with the year of unemployment and Brocs job here in the city not being what it was promised to be. God has been so faithful providing for us, but was I stretching that provision by wanting to go on a trip to Georgia with a bunch of girls? I just accepted that I probably wouldn't be able to go and that it would have to be ok. I signed up for some ticket giveaways and crossed my fingers. Today I was told that the ticket has been purchased for me and that I GET TO GO TO GEORGIA THE END OF JUNE! But I still had the other reason I knew I  shouldn't be able to go nagging at me in the back of my mind.

My weight. Here is the truth. The painful, tear filled truth. I wouldn't be able to fit in a single passenger seat on a plane. There it is. Gut honest, embarrassing truth. I have let my weight get to a point that it has handicapped the things in my life that I want to do. BEING OVERWEIGHT IS DEBILITATING AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

With all of that said, I constantly have people asking me what Im doing to lose weight. I had lost 20 pounds on Weight Watchers and then Izaiah was diagnosed with Aspergers. :) And I ate. I ate to bring some momentary comfort. To ease my heart of the pain I was facing. This is the main reason I am typing this all out to share with the world today. My issue, your issue is not just the issue, its a craving for comfort and peace. And I have GOT to learn to find my peace and comfort in the One who created me to crave. I have found myself the last 2 days turning to food yet again with the stress of having to find another rent house and Izaiahs recent phase of ginormous melt downs. It has to stop. So, I am writing this to be gut honest and so that I can begin blogging about the real struggle. The one thats deep inside. Not just surface of wanting to lose weight. So I welcome you to follow my progress! And welcome you to cheer me on and be excited for me when I step on that plane the end of June and sit in that one passenger seat with some smokin new clothes to go meet my friends for the first time and have a BLAST at a girls getaway!

For those of you wondering, here is my weight loss plan. I have cancelled my weight watchers. Mostly because I have a gym membership now I cant afford to do both. So I am getting up early and going to the gym and having quiet time. For my quiet time I have decided to read the book "Made to Crave." If you struggle with weight, I strongly encourage you to get this book and read it. Its a life changer. It deals with the issue of the heart and not just surface.

I love you all and am so thankful for a safe place to share my heart! God Bless!


  1. Mandy it takes a real woman with true guts to share things like this. I am very proud of you. I struggled with the weight thing also. When I got burned I got down to 145 lbs due to not being able to eat. When I got out I ate and ate and got up to 235. My Dr. told me I was getting type 2 diabetes and was having other medical problems but I just didn't care. The stress of people looking at me and all that goes with these types of injuries. I was told I would never work on cars again and stay on disability. I didn't want that but felt trapped. I had to go to a shrink and take massive amounts of pills daily to just get by. I didn't talk about it and it just ate me up. One day though I decided enough was enough and I tried to work on a car and I was slow but could do it so long story short told the social security people I am out of here take me off and let me fly. They looked at me like I was crazy. I was scared and worried but knew to just follow my gut. I have had ups and downs but all these years later I am at 169 and for the most part healthy and happy. Happiest I have been in a long long time. I learned it all works out if you believe in yourself and trust in GOD to get you through. Broc and you guys are great people and Christians to boot. I always said I don't care what anyone says about me but it was eye opening when they stare and laugh and make smart remarks. It hurts but just shows mamma didn't raise them right if you ask me!! HAng in there and know you have tons of people cheering you guys on!!!! Need anything let us know!!

  2. Mandy!! I love you! I am so happy for you & your honesty is so beautiful! I am so excited for you getting to go to Georgia to that conference! It's going to be great! YOU CAN DO IT!! :) LOVE YOU!!

  3. Tommy, Im in awe! You have SUCH a story and I think the world needs to hear! I didnt know your story and it has touched me today! Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me. Broc has always spoken so highly of you. God Bless you guys!

    I love you Jen!

  4. I love your honesty Mandy. It definitely inspires others! I'm one of them! Keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing! Love ya girl!