Monday, June 27, 2011

Unsettle Me

  I am reading Made To Crave for the second time through. I absolutely love this book and would suggest it to anyone with a food addiction or anyone who is just always struggling to lose weight. Through my journey, I have learned that combatting weight is a manifestation of an inward problem/battle. I used to laugh at that accusation and think I was the ONLY exception. I was wrong. I do have an inward battle. And in 5 years, it manifested with a 115 pound weight gain. The depression is lifting and Jesus is setting me free.. But now I have the manifestation to deal with! But "dealing" with it is just what I am doing. And I am excited about the journey. I have 155 pounds to lose... I know, its alot! (Go ahead and be thankful at this moment that you only have 20 or 30 or some "small" number like that! :) ) But Im looking forward to the journey and every pound I lose, I will look and feel better than gaining or staying the same! Whats not to look forward to?!  Every pound lost is one step closer to being able to do the things I have been missing out on for the last 5 years! (I am going to write a pretty real blog soon about the things I am looking forward to while losing the weight... Its a pretty crazy, sad, and exciting list!)

   This is a prayer/letter that Lysa wrote in M.T.C... I wanted to share it with you. Its my prayer now, and maybe you should adopt it as well!

"Unsettle me, Lord.
Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.
Shake loose that justification for compromise.
Reveal that broken shard of pride.
Expose that tendency to distrust.
**Kill that spirit of criticalness. (My line added)
Unsettle me in the best kind of way.  For when I allow your touch to reach the deepest parts of me- dark and dingy and hidden away way too long- suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists, and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can DELIGHT in forgiveness and LOVE MORE DEEPLY.
I can discover a discipline that lies just beyond what I'm capable of and grab a hold of God's strength to bridge the gap.
I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
I can rest assured though harsh winds blow,  I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, my rationalizations, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am nor who I was created to be.
Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self pity and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.
Welcome deeper love, new possibilities, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held. 
Welcome my unsettled heart."
-Lysa Terkeurst

Love it. Through my journey, I am loving deeper, looking forward to all the new possibilities, the intimacy humility and getting rid of bitterness brings with God, and knowing that no matter what my situation looks like right now- I am held. I am resting in his lap... choosing to stay put and let Him love on me a while.

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