Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Doctors Visit

Today, I feel numb and strong all at the same time. I feel well informed one minute, and totally lost and clueless the next. I smile at one sentence and cry at the next. Today... I am very in touch with living fully right where I am at.

We went to the doctor yesterday... I sat through the visit I have been avoiding for 2 years. The visit thats been scheduled, written on a little business card that hangs on the fridge, for a month. The visit that I tried to find a reason to cancel even up till the last minute while sitting in the waiting room. The one I put off allowing myself to really think about until the night before. The visit where my blue eyed boys doctor would look us in the eye and say, "I have a high suspicion of High Functioning Autism and Aspergers."

For the past 24 hours I have had the last 3+ years flashing through my mind like old videos caught on tape. The good, the hard, the sad, the funny... And I question and I find answers all at the same time. "This is why this was like it was..." "This is why he did this..." "This is why he didn't do this..." I am emotionally exhausted. The word Autism forces you to examine everything you know of and have known through another lens.  It forces you to think about a future that no mom should ever have to wonder about. But thats where we are.

I watch my baby play and thoughts flood my mind... Some too painful to share here. Your mind wonders... but the thing it wonders and parks at the most- is the blessing God has given us. Izaiah is a gentle and kind loving boy. He loves life and Lightning Mcqueen :) He has a family that is dedicated to help him succeed in every way possible.  HE HAS A BRIGHT AND PROMISING FUTURE. 
Before he was formed in my womb, Christ knew him and loved him. He has a plan and a purpose and it will come to pass! 

I ask that you keep our family in your prayers. We are holding up well, but there are moments of utter pain that cant even be expressed by words. We found out today we wont even be able to get in to see the specialist he is needing to see for the official diagnosis until February. I am devastated by that. To make a mom wait and wonder seems unfair but its just what it is. Also, read up on high functioning autism and Aspergers and make yourself familiar and aware of it. But, with that being said, know that Izaiah is on the very low end of it all, so there are alot of things that Izaiah can do- and we are very thankful for that! 


  1. Isiah has a destiny, and with parents who pray he will see that destiny come to fruition. It is a destiny of good and wonderful things, it is a destiny that will bring glory to God, it is a destiny that holds much promise and joy and wonderment. I KNOW this. You need to know this, too, and never, ever lose sight of it no matter how things look any given day. God's promises are true and He is faithful. God bless you and your family, Mandy. And remember ... weeping may endure for a night, but JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING! Believe for the next morning whenever you have a tough day! You're in my prayers.

  2. Mandy... I am praying for that sweet boy and you!
    Amen, amen, amen to what Susher said.

    Love you!